A Vale of Dreams
I took one of my hands from his and placed my glass of wine at the edge of the table.
“It’s going to fall”, he said.
“Exactly. I want you to tip it over the edge.”
“Break the glass?”
Yes, break the glass. A simple gesture, but one that brings up fears we cant really understand. What’s wrong with breaking an inexpensive glass, when everyone has done so unintentionally at some time in their life?
Glasses are not purposely broken. In a restaurant or in our home, we’re careful not to place glasses at the edge of a table. Our Universe requires that we avoid letting glasses fall to the floor.
How can I let go of my life, my ways, my responsibilities, my likes, my hatred. I know not of another path. I cannot take the bait.
I detest everything; I feel I do not belong here. It is not my dream to be stuck to my world of imposing people, imposing friends, imposing books, imposing teachers, life arresting fears, life sucking disorders.
What is it that is your dream?
One would like to be wise; to preach and predicate my wisdom, to see the gleaming faces in awe. To be natural and always learning. To be knowledgeable. To be understood. To be appreciated.
So you think you become wise by differentiating yourself from the world you live in, meditating and thinking of what you already know, what you have already analyzed?
No, I think I become wise by living life every moment and struggling. But why prevent yourself from moving to a place where you might feel happy. Where there would be more than just your dream. Why not take a new path?
But fear holds one back. The risk of losing what I have created. And the risk of losing the enthusiasm to take on to another path.
But when we break them by accident, we realize that it’s not very serious. The waiter says, “It’s nothing”, and when has anyone been charged for a broken glass? Breaking glasses is a part of life and does no damage to us, to the restaurant, or to anyone else.
Change is good. Especially if it is pleasant.
But what if it’s not?
It doesn’t matter. If one is not satisfied with the present, how much worse can it get?
Are you not escaping from the goals you had set for yourself?
Maybe; but unfulfilled wishes will do me no good, even if I stick to my path till the end.
And why should I not do what seems fairer and brighter? Why have I accepted to let myself be tortured?
Our parents tought us to be careful with glasses and with our bodies. They taught us that the passions of childhood are impossible, that we should not flee from priests, that people cannot perform miracles, and that no one leaves on a journey without knowing where they are going.
Break the glass, please – and free us from all these damned rules, from needing to find an explanation for everything, from doing only what others approve of.
Why is it that I cannot burp in front of even my folks, when Shrek says “Better in than out, eh, I always say, Fiona”? The only reason is that I do not want to be Shrek. I don’t want to be some filthy ogre who is hated and feared by kids. (I already have some lead in this direction).
Why can’t I lick chocolate from my fingers and lunchboxes in the classroom?
Why do my folks tell me to be smartly dressed when I am perfectly okay with my old tattered denims and tucked in t-shirts?
Why can I not say NO to those I hate, and a word of admiration to those whom I like?
Why am I double minded about posting this, thinking about remodeling it, so that it may not look empty and dumb?
Funny world isn’t it?
We are facing the brunt of all those norms in which we never had a say. And now its just into us.
Often I find me talking to myself – would I like to use some techy-crazy-complicated infrastructure in IIT or would I be happier with some IT + Guitar degree from Stanford.
There is so much that the world decides for me, with or without my consent.
That which is good and that which is bad was not decreed good or bad by some divine judgment (though our teachings say otherwise). What we know today to be good or evil is more or less a refined version of what our ancients believed. The ancients, who were close to nature, drew a colorful mythology of what they found complimenting nature, and what they found was aghast to it, termed it as evil, as we know it today. This concept of light and darkness, of angelic and of demonic karma tilted, crushed, evolved, devolved over centuries, but it is core centric.
Whatever the crap, whatever the reason, some element of my dreams is drifting away. And thanks to the world I live in, I will be crushed again for saying this.
“It’s going to fall”, he said.
“Exactly. I want you to tip it over the edge.”
“Break the glass?”
Yes, break the glass. A simple gesture, but one that brings up fears we cant really understand. What’s wrong with breaking an inexpensive glass, when everyone has done so unintentionally at some time in their life?
Glasses are not purposely broken. In a restaurant or in our home, we’re careful not to place glasses at the edge of a table. Our Universe requires that we avoid letting glasses fall to the floor.
How can I let go of my life, my ways, my responsibilities, my likes, my hatred. I know not of another path. I cannot take the bait.
I detest everything; I feel I do not belong here. It is not my dream to be stuck to my world of imposing people, imposing friends, imposing books, imposing teachers, life arresting fears, life sucking disorders.
What is it that is your dream?
One would like to be wise; to preach and predicate my wisdom, to see the gleaming faces in awe. To be natural and always learning. To be knowledgeable. To be understood. To be appreciated.
So you think you become wise by differentiating yourself from the world you live in, meditating and thinking of what you already know, what you have already analyzed?
No, I think I become wise by living life every moment and struggling. But why prevent yourself from moving to a place where you might feel happy. Where there would be more than just your dream. Why not take a new path?
But fear holds one back. The risk of losing what I have created. And the risk of losing the enthusiasm to take on to another path.
But when we break them by accident, we realize that it’s not very serious. The waiter says, “It’s nothing”, and when has anyone been charged for a broken glass? Breaking glasses is a part of life and does no damage to us, to the restaurant, or to anyone else.
Change is good. Especially if it is pleasant.
But what if it’s not?
It doesn’t matter. If one is not satisfied with the present, how much worse can it get?
Are you not escaping from the goals you had set for yourself?
Maybe; but unfulfilled wishes will do me no good, even if I stick to my path till the end.
And why should I not do what seems fairer and brighter? Why have I accepted to let myself be tortured?
Our parents tought us to be careful with glasses and with our bodies. They taught us that the passions of childhood are impossible, that we should not flee from priests, that people cannot perform miracles, and that no one leaves on a journey without knowing where they are going.
Break the glass, please – and free us from all these damned rules, from needing to find an explanation for everything, from doing only what others approve of.
Why is it that I cannot burp in front of even my folks, when Shrek says “Better in than out, eh, I always say, Fiona”? The only reason is that I do not want to be Shrek. I don’t want to be some filthy ogre who is hated and feared by kids. (I already have some lead in this direction).
Why can’t I lick chocolate from my fingers and lunchboxes in the classroom?
Why do my folks tell me to be smartly dressed when I am perfectly okay with my old tattered denims and tucked in t-shirts?
Why can I not say NO to those I hate, and a word of admiration to those whom I like?
Why am I double minded about posting this, thinking about remodeling it, so that it may not look empty and dumb?
Funny world isn’t it?
We are facing the brunt of all those norms in which we never had a say. And now its just into us.
Often I find me talking to myself – would I like to use some techy-crazy-complicated infrastructure in IIT or would I be happier with some IT + Guitar degree from Stanford.
There is so much that the world decides for me, with or without my consent.
That which is good and that which is bad was not decreed good or bad by some divine judgment (though our teachings say otherwise). What we know today to be good or evil is more or less a refined version of what our ancients believed. The ancients, who were close to nature, drew a colorful mythology of what they found complimenting nature, and what they found was aghast to it, termed it as evil, as we know it today. This concept of light and darkness, of angelic and of demonic karma tilted, crushed, evolved, devolved over centuries, but it is core centric.
Whatever the crap, whatever the reason, some element of my dreams is drifting away. And thanks to the world I live in, I will be crushed again for saying this.
From By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept
posted by Half Moon Fletcher at 9:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home